


A Letter You'll Never Receive

by happymitsakes



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Angst, F/F, Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:08:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27587245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happymitsakes/pseuds/happymitsakes
Summary: A letter for Seo Soojin, who's going to marry someone else, from her ex-best friend, Minnie Nicha Yontararak.
Relationships: Seo Soojin/Minnie Nicha Yontararak
Kudos: 6





	A Letter You'll Never Receive

**Author's Note:**

> Umm... enjoy..? Also, please don't expect anything decent.

Hey Soojin,

First of all, congratulations on your wedding! I'm really happy that you've found someone to live a happy life with. Thank you for the wedding invitation -totally didn’t expect that-, but I'm sorry, I will not be there.

It's not that I'm busy. I will always be there for someone I care about. Just like how I used to abandon my assignments and sleep just to listen to your random midnight thoughts. Or how I always came to your house and console you whenever you cry because of your girlfriend at that time.

It's just that, I'm not ready to see it with my own eyes. You, being happy with someone that’s not me.

I know, I always said that you're a sister-like friend. And I was always being whipped for my crush too back then anyway. But to be honest, when we were still best friends, I didn't like you that way. Or at least, I didn't realize it.

But then you broke up with your girlfriend, and I watched you being at your lowest point. You cried a lot and it broke me too. If you didn't threaten me, I probably would've punched her or something. I mean, you've been such a good girlfriend to her, so how could she? She used to be really sweet and caring to you, so why did she ends up hurting you? But now that I've known better, I understand. Maybe she just fell out of love. Feelings can change.

Including yours.

If you ask me, did I ever get tired of you during that time, the answer is yes. I didn't understand why someone as rational and mature as you, someone who gives the best logical advice ever, could be so damn irrational just because of love. The situation was simple: she hurt you, so she didn't deserve you. So why can't you let her go? Why did you still mourn for that relationship? Still hoping that you could fix it.

It wasn't until you abandon me, that I understand.

You know, it's been three years since we graduated from university. Also, three years since you started to get further away from me. Three long years, yet sometimes I still thought of us.

 _What did I do wrong, to make you leave me like that? Without any explanation, without any goodbye. You leave me slowly, and painfully. And no matter_ _how hard I tried_ _,_ _everything ends_. It’s frustrating, you know? Watching you slip out of my reach, not being able to stop it.

I thought I was just being dramatic. We know how hard adult life is. Maybe you were really busy, that you didn't manage to find time to talk to me. That's why you rarely read my messages, or only reply with short emotionless texts. But you keep getting harder and harder to reach, and it keeps me wondering.

I talked to Miyeon about it, since both of you work at the same company. Asking her if you're actually busy. That perhaps, all this 'you leaving me' narration is just in my head. That you’re actually still there for me. But instead, she told me that you're not THAT busy. And that you've been hanging out frequently with a colleague named Shuhua, who is actually your fiancée now, and your future wife.

After knowing that, I felt really down. I felt like you've replaced me with someone else. I wanted to ask you, "Am I that easy to replace? Was I ever 'someone' to you? What am I to you?".

I remember three years ago, back in March, I asked you what do you want as your birthday present. Your answer was that you wanted me to wish you a happy birthday at your next one. And on our graduation day, you said that you want us to stay being friends, forever.

You're cruel for trapping me in those kinds of promises. You want to me stay, but then you’re the one leaving.

On the next birthday, I was really unsure, whether to greet you on your birthday or to completely ignore it. I finally did, exactly at midnight. But you only saw it later that night, replied it with "thankss" and a cute 'thank you' sticker, and then leave. That day, I finally decided to give up. I think you know from your experience with your ex, how hard it is to fight for a relationship when the other person doesn't want it anymore.

Giving up on us was hard. I always thought about you, always thought about how beautiful we were. And then being sad that those are just mere memories now. Some days, I regret knowing you. I hate you a lot, wishing you to never be happy. Some days, I reminisce about the past, wishing I could live them again. Even if it means you breaking my heart again. And on some rare bright days, I let it go. Accept the fact that things will never be as it was before. Your happiness is enough. At least I'm the one suffering, not you.

And in those days, I realized that maybe I actually liked you a bit more than just a friend. And that you matter a lot to me. The only reason something hurts, is because it matters. You're not the only friend that I lost in my whole life, but losing you surely hurt me the most.

Three years have passed, yet I still feel hurt a bit whenever I see your updates on social media. _Sad, bitter, mad, jealous_. A lot of emotions at once. But I am better, so don't worry. I might break once or twice, but I'll be better. And when I actually do, I swear I'll personally congratulate both of you. Sincerely.

Receiving your wedding invitation was a surprise to me. I didn't think you would invite me. I expected you to completely abandon me, act like I never existed. But then I remembered, you promised that you'd invite me to your wedding. And I promised to be there, as your bridesmaid. But since you broke your promise about us being friends forever -and I’m not your bridesmaid anyway-, let me broke this one. Let me be selfish and ignore one of the most important days of your life. Well, you probably don't care about whether I'll come or not anyway, lol.

I'm done pouring all my feelings. Pouring all the things I want to say, things I want you to know. Just like how people feel better after letting out their bottled-up anger, I hope I'll feel better after writing this long-ass letter. I do want to get better, you know.

I want to stop hurting myself. 

From,

Minnie.

* * *

I want to end this with a quote that I found on Twitter a month ago:

_"My heart breaks for anyone who lays in bed at night and wonders why they weren't enough for the one person they would give the world to._

_That shit ruins you."_

**Author's Note:**

> Just in case the title isn’t clear enough, Soojin will never read the letter. Minnie will never send it. It was just a way for her to vent, to let out all her pain, hurt, anger, jealousy, and many other negative emotions she felt because of her feeling. And the letter ended kind of on a bright note (?). Minnie knows she’s the one who keeps on hurting herself by holding on, and she wants to let go now.
> 
> I wrote this because I was in the mood to, but along the way, it reminds me of a few songs. Lorde's "Liability", Winner's "We Were Beautiful" and “For”, (G)I-DLE's "For You", Kang SeungYoon's "It Rains", Lewis Capaldi’s “Someone You Love”, and a few others. Those songs hurt :').
> 
> Thank you for reading this story, and I know this story and the ending quote is sad. But still, stay alive, stay strong, and have a good day!


End file.
